Reddit | r/NoStupidQuestions | @RatInAMask

[frenchkissed]

Poll #27893

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 7

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Is my (36M) alien son from another dimension (14M) too old for Elf on The Shelf?

View Answers

Yes
5 (71.4%)

No
2 (28.6%)

Asking for a... me. I'm asking this for me.

Comments

@AngelA

[hevenly]

What is Elf on The Shelf?

[frenchkissed]

You don't know Elf on the Shelf?

...

I mean, that's fair. I think it's a new thing? Feels like it only really picked up a year or two ago...

It's the thing where Santa sends an elf to your house to watch over your kids and make sure they're not being, like, bad. And he reports back to Santa. And moves around the house... sometimes he's on the shelf, sometimes he's sitting behind the toilet. Y'know, it's cool.

[hevenly]

Why would an elf from Svartalheim degrade him or herself by sitting behind someone's toilet?

[frenchkissed]

To keep an eye on things? To make sure the kids aren't getting up to shit? I dunno, man. Sometimes they chill on top of the fridge instead, or hang out in the freezer eating ice cream.

They're like little spies. Who knows why they do the things they do.

[hevenly]

I should think the suitability of sending an elf to spy on your son should be up to the elves themselves. Or this Santa person you mentioned.

[frenchkissed]

You don't know Santa?

[hevenly]

I am afraid we have not met.

[frenchkissed]

He's a hard guy to get a hold of, it's true.

But soon enough, he's gonna be everywhere. In store windows, on TV commercials. People worship the man.

[hevenly]

He is a being of power?
Like unto a god?

[frenchkissed]

God might be a little strong... but he is all-seeing and all-knowing, so it might be just right, considering.

He knows when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows whether you've been bad or good... so, yeah, maybe he's a god.

[hevenly]

How does he come into such knowledge? Through the use of his elven spies???

[frenchkissed]

Yeah, from what I understand. He's got a whole... network.

It's all meant to decide whether or not you're a good person, and therefore worthy of gifts.

[hevenly]

What gives Santa the right to decide who is good and who is not? Why should I trust his judgement of worth, when I am perfectly capable of making my own?

[frenchkissed]

What gives anyone the power to decide anything? We do, bud. As a society. Collectively. We've assigned Santa the power to judge us, and we accept it. The same way we decide that courts are the ones who decide who's guilty or who's innocent, even though judges can be corrupt as shit, and jails are overflowing with non-violent criminals locked away for parking tickets.

Unless a new dude comes along who decides who's good and evil, we gotta default to Santa.

[hevenly]

I did not agree to assign any power to Santa, nor to the courts of man. I enact my own vengeance and seek my own justice.

[ This is maybe why she hasn't joined up with a guild yet... ]

I think you should deny this elf entry to your home, not because of your son's age, but because of his autonomy!

@Ντιάνα

[monomachy]

[after reading his response to angela & seeing 'santa' mentioned]

Is this one of those strange Christmas customs?

[frenchkissed]

On the lesser end of the strange spectrum when it comes to Christmas, honestly...

[monomachy]

There are customs more strange than inviting a stranger into your home to spy on your children?

[frenchkissed]

There's a custom where you're expected to kiss total strangers.
There's a custom where you're supposed to put your shoes out on the front porch...
There's one where a big dude slides down your chimney with the power of magic...

It's a strange time of year.

[monomachy]

I promise I will not let anyone slide down our chimney, no matter what magic they wield.

[frenchkissed]

You can't stop this one, Diana. He's... good. Objectively good.

He brings us gifts.

All of us.

[monomachy]

Then why does he enter through the chimney? That is suspicious.

DN: @DefineCat

[definecat]

Why would you want to torment my sibling like that? Is this a human rite of passage?

[frenchkissed]

Oh, buddy.

This is for you, too.

[definecat]

My behavior is PERFECT. Even if it involves destroying stalking stuffed monstrosities.

[frenchkissed]

Yeah, not exactly what I think Santa would consider 'perfect'...

Elf is there for your own good.

You'll thank me one day.

[definecat]

If this Santa exists, they love me. Everyone does.

[frenchkissed]

It's not about love, man.
It's about good and bad.

You think it's objectively good to be taking naps on my laptop when you know I need it most? ...Think Santa would say no.

[definecat]

I never do it when you actually have a deadline. Only when you're stressing out because you think you need to write something that you know you're not ready to complete.

[frenchkissed]

First of all.

[definecat]

Also, laptops are nice and warm.

text

[codicies]

EDDIE I LITERALLY HAD MY 15TH BIRTHDAY LAST MONTH

YOU WERE THERE

[ is it a typo? probably. is he gonna milk it? hell yes. ]

[frenchkissed]

Eddie???

Who's Eddie?

This is u/RatInAMask

( @/RatInAMask who's desperately searching for an edit button. )

@octavius

[doctopoda]

When in the world did people start doing that?

[LOL WHAT THE FUCK]

@mysterio

[makeanentrance]

Play video games or watch movies with them instead.