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[frenchkissed]

Poll #27893

Open to: Registered Users, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 7

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Is my (36M) alien son from another dimension (14M) too old for Elf on The Shelf?

View Answers

Yes
5 (71.4%)

No
2 (28.6%)

Asking for a... me. I'm asking this for me.

Comments

[frenchkissed]

You don't know Elf on the Shelf?

...

I mean, that's fair. I think it's a new thing? Feels like it only really picked up a year or two ago...

It's the thing where Santa sends an elf to your house to watch over your kids and make sure they're not being, like, bad. And he reports back to Santa. And moves around the house... sometimes he's on the shelf, sometimes he's sitting behind the toilet. Y'know, it's cool.

[hevenly]

Why would an elf from Svartalheim degrade him or herself by sitting behind someone's toilet?

[frenchkissed]

To keep an eye on things? To make sure the kids aren't getting up to shit? I dunno, man. Sometimes they chill on top of the fridge instead, or hang out in the freezer eating ice cream.

They're like little spies. Who knows why they do the things they do.

[hevenly]

I should think the suitability of sending an elf to spy on your son should be up to the elves themselves. Or this Santa person you mentioned.

[frenchkissed]

You don't know Santa?

[hevenly]

I am afraid we have not met.

[frenchkissed]

He's a hard guy to get a hold of, it's true.

But soon enough, he's gonna be everywhere. In store windows, on TV commercials. People worship the man.

[hevenly]

He is a being of power?
Like unto a god?

[frenchkissed]

God might be a little strong... but he is all-seeing and all-knowing, so it might be just right, considering.

He knows when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. He knows whether you've been bad or good... so, yeah, maybe he's a god.

[hevenly]

How does he come into such knowledge? Through the use of his elven spies???

[frenchkissed]

Yeah, from what I understand. He's got a whole... network.

It's all meant to decide whether or not you're a good person, and therefore worthy of gifts.

[hevenly]

What gives Santa the right to decide who is good and who is not? Why should I trust his judgement of worth, when I am perfectly capable of making my own?

[frenchkissed]

What gives anyone the power to decide anything? We do, bud. As a society. Collectively. We've assigned Santa the power to judge us, and we accept it. The same way we decide that courts are the ones who decide who's guilty or who's innocent, even though judges can be corrupt as shit, and jails are overflowing with non-violent criminals locked away for parking tickets.

Unless a new dude comes along who decides who's good and evil, we gotta default to Santa.

[hevenly]

I did not agree to assign any power to Santa, nor to the courts of man. I enact my own vengeance and seek my own justice.

[ This is maybe why she hasn't joined up with a guild yet... ]

I think you should deny this elf entry to your home, not because of your son's age, but because of his autonomy!