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[somepig]

display name: Spider-Ham
profile pic: here
notes: n/a

[What appears onscreen is a pig in a Spider-Man suit. He doesn't look quite real, though. Aside from the fact that he walks on two limbs? He also looks over-saturated and cel-shaded. Like a cartoon character come to life.]

Howdy fellow Confluencers! That's the right word for it right? I'm Spider-Ham! I'm sure most of you want to get home by now, and lucky for you I got this handy dimensional travel watch. Watch and be amazed as I teleport from here to back to mine then back to here in the blink of an eye.

[He doesn't teleport]

...in the blink of an eye.

[He still doesn't teleport]

Hang on for second folks, technical difficulties. Lemme just flip this open and- wait, where's the Bee-Yonder? Okay, there's a note here...On vacation, bee back later.

ON VACATION, BEE BACK LATER? You've gotta be kidding me! What is this hogwash?

Comments

Re: audio; Display Name: Spider-Man

[somepig]

Yeah, I thought I could get around that with mine, since it's powered by an omnipotent bee. You saw how well that worked out. He could've at least warned me.

And I'm guessing you weren't part of any of the big multiversal spider-totem team-ups, huh, newbie? You'd know me if you were.

[tinglesense]

It's…

[ WHAT THE HELL! ]

An omnipotent bee? That's…different. I guess your bee friend got left at home, then.

[ This has got to be the weirdest conversation he's had in a minute. ]

Spider-totem? No, I…honestly, I only found out the multiverse is real not that long ago, before I came here.

This is…really a weird question and I'm sorry but is something going on with your video display? You look kind of…like…something's off.

[somepig]

You know, people with Spider-Powers. Usually bitten by a radioactive spider. Or sometimes spiders bitten by radioactive people. Guess which one I am.

And, nope, nothing's wrong with the display.

[tinglesense]

I…

Wait, you were a spider first? How does that even work…

[ That's mostly rhetorical; he figures any answer he gets to that question will be too weird. ]

Sorry, it's just that you look kind of like a video game or something. Weird, huh?

[somepig]

It wouldn't surprise me if one of us came from a universe that was a video game, but I don't.

My universe is a cartoon. Or at least it works like one.

[tinglesense]

[ Now he's heard EVERYTHING. ]

That's...bonkers! I didn't even know that could be a thing. That's a thing? Wow.

[ But the proof is right there in front of him. HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO HANDLE THIS INFO! ]

[somepig]

You think that's weird? There's a version of us out there that's a talking car.

He's a dune buggy

[tinglesense]

I'm sorry, a WHAT??