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[somepig]

display name: Spider-Ham
profile pic: here
notes: n/a

[What appears onscreen is a pig in a Spider-Man suit. He doesn't look quite real, though. Aside from the fact that he walks on two limbs? He also looks over-saturated and cel-shaded. Like a cartoon character come to life.]

Howdy fellow Confluencers! That's the right word for it right? I'm Spider-Ham! I'm sure most of you want to get home by now, and lucky for you I got this handy dimensional travel watch. Watch and be amazed as I teleport from here to back to mine then back to here in the blink of an eye.

[He doesn't teleport]

...in the blink of an eye.

[He still doesn't teleport]

Hang on for second folks, technical difficulties. Lemme just flip this open and- wait, where's the Bee-Yonder? Okay, there's a note here...On vacation, bee back later.

ON VACATION, BEE BACK LATER? You've gotta be kidding me! What is this hogwash?

Comments

[somepig]

You know, people with Spider-Powers. Usually bitten by a radioactive spider. Or sometimes spiders bitten by radioactive people. Guess which one I am.

And, nope, nothing's wrong with the display.

[tinglesense]

I…

Wait, you were a spider first? How does that even work…

[ That's mostly rhetorical; he figures any answer he gets to that question will be too weird. ]

Sorry, it's just that you look kind of like a video game or something. Weird, huh?

[somepig]

It wouldn't surprise me if one of us came from a universe that was a video game, but I don't.

My universe is a cartoon. Or at least it works like one.

[tinglesense]

[ Now he's heard EVERYTHING. ]

That's...bonkers! I didn't even know that could be a thing. That's a thing? Wow.

[ But the proof is right there in front of him. HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO HANDLE THIS INFO! ]

[somepig]

You think that's weird? There's a version of us out there that's a talking car.

He's a dune buggy

[tinglesense]

I'm sorry, a WHAT??