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[frenchkissed]

UN: LETHALPROTECTION

( woah, it's a giant monster sitting on a fancy hotel bed surrounded by junk food. and, woah, he's broadcasting with surprisingly good angles, lighting, and sound quality! it's almost like he's sharing a body with a journalist who does this sort of thing for a living.

wild stuff.

anyway, their recent battle against tiktok streamers and instagram personalities seems to have venom ready for his time in the spotlight. he starts by tearing open a box of chocolate-covered pretzels and dumping them into his oversized mouth. )

WE... ARE VENOM.

TONIGHT, WE WILL EAT FOOD.
YOU WILL ASK US QUESTIONS.

TRUTHFULLY, WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE ROLE OF EATING FOOD IN THE PROCESS OF STREAMING LIVE VIA THE LITTLE BOX... DOES IT NOT MAKE YOU HUMANS ENVY US? SURELY IT ONLY SERVES TO MAKE YOU HUNGRY FOR WHAT WE HAVE.

( beginner mukbang streamer is a beginner. spare him. )

BEFRIEND ONE ANOTHER IN THE COMMUNICATION SPACE.

DISCUSS YOUR EXPERIENCES WITH TODAY'S BATTLE.

ALL ARE WELCOME HERE.

...IT SEEMS YOU DO NOT TURN AWAY THOSE WHO ARE DIFFERENT IN THIS WORLD.
IT IS A BEAUTIFUL THING.

Comments

video ; un: spidey

[interloping]

[ ... oh, he's watching this. He can't believe he's watching this, but he's watching. ]

You know, they say the camera adds on ten pounds, but.

[ He scratches his (fully masked) chin. ]

I don't know, you — uh. You look good, bud.

[frenchkissed]

( this guy... he recognizes this guy...
there's something about him.
it has venom leaning in closer to the camera to get a better look at him. )

you.

We should meet.
Immediately.

ANON, video—

[voicelog]

[ oh, this is a level of stupid that he never thought he would be witnessing live. ]

Pretty sure envy isn't the word I'd use to describe your table? mattress? bedside table? manners right now, big guy.

[frenchkissed]

( he's been living with, like, the world's worst bachelor for the last few months. they're lucky he covers his mouth when he burps. )

MANNERS?

...

TEACH ME YOUR WAYS, ANON.

video; un: ghostfacekilla

[variantcover]

Ohmygod, Venom mukbang?? Venom mukbang!!

[ Okay, Gwen, relax. Be chill. You can do this! ]

Hi, I'm Gwen. Big fan.

[frenchkissed]

A FAN???

( why does he sound so surprised?? venom has always been handsome, amazing, cool, spectacular, and beautiful, so of course he should have fans!! confusion looks wholesome when it's on such a gooey face. )

GWEN...

WE WILL BE FANS OF YOURS AS WELL, SHOULD YOU GIVE US A REASON.
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU OFFER THIS WORLD?

text

[sunmon]

what kind of questions would we be asking, here?

[frenchkissed]

people fear what they do not understand.
if we come to understand one another, there will be nothing to fear. and there will be no reason to treat others as lesser beings.

unless they are lesser beings.

like those who do not enjoy reality television.

...

i shall ask the first questions.

who are you? are you human?

video; un: yusei

[planetary_bonds]

[it's you!!!! hello weird monster man who eats heads and helped him find his inner zen. or something. good to see you escaped that all alive!]

So, do you both get nutrients when you eat like that? [All fused together, he means. He distinctly remembers Venom not being very humanoid, so he presumes Eddie is providing the human-y shape. It's a bit of a leap in logic, but Eddie and Venom did introduce themselves as partners, so.]

[frenchkissed]

( a friend?? a friend has joined his first livestream?? that's so touching??? )

YUSEI. WELCOME.
ENJOY A PRETZEL.

( he holds one out to the camera. )

ASMR.

I EAT BECAUSE I ENJOY THE FLAVORS OF HUMAN FOOD.
AND BECAUSE WITHOUT CHOCOLATE, I WILL DIE.
PAINFULLY.

whether or not eddie gains anything from the experience is unessential to me.

@samsa, text

[anthropophagite]

You are just going to film yourself eating?

[ what ]

[frenchkissed]

yes!
and we will gain millions of followers!
we will be better than those who use their powers for evil!

( punctuated by biting into a candy bar. )

LOKIOFASGARD; video

[ikols]

[ Warmly, ]

Hello, Venom! And Eddie.

[frenchkissed]

( all spoken aloud, because what is discretion: )

EDDIE.
EDDIE, look. IT IS YOUR CRUSH.

What?
No, man, she's not my crush.

YOU FIND HER ATTRACTIVE.
THAT IS CRUSHING.

Not the same thing.
Jesus.
Just run your stupid livestream.

YES, OF COURSE.

WELCOME, LOKIOFASGARD!
EDDIE IS CRUSHING ON YOU.

Oh? My god?

video ; @jinx!!

[whimsikills]

[o m g -]

What’re those knotty things you’re eating?

[frenchkissed]

THESE ARE PRETZELS!
AND THEY ARE DELICIOUS!

( doing that thing that streamers do when they hold something up to the camera and use their hand as a backdrop to help it focus doesn't really work here because the pretzel is about the same color as venom's goo.

but he tried. )

WOULD YOU LIKE ONE?

@akirigan — text

[morozova]

A tradition where you're from?

( there is so much to unpack here he's not sure where to even begin. )

[frenchkissed]

A TRADITION WHERE EDDIE IS FROM.
ON EARTH.
ON YOUTUBE.

IT IS WEIRD, IS IT NOT?

( please join venom in bashing the internet, thank you. )

HUMAN BEINGS REQUIRE SUSTENANCE TO SURVIVE.
VIEWERS DO NOT GAIN SUSTENANCE FROM OBSERVING OTHERS EAT.
WHAT IS THE POINT?

IT IS STRANGE.

BUT TASTY.

AUDIO | @nothanks

[superhostage]

Uh, I think people who really like mukbang don't even quite understand why they like mukbang. Texture and stuff, I guess.

Who's 'we'?

[frenchkissed]

( venom is nothing if not full of textures. he was born for this. )

we is us.

Combining a first person plural pronoun with the objective case...
No, man. Don't think that works grammatically.

...we are us?

'Us' doesn't get an 'are'.
But English is stupid. It's, like, six other languages cobbled together.
German, old English, some French...

We are we?

We are who we are, maybe.

fuck your rules.

the better question is... who the hell is this guy?
...
better question are?

No, yeah, you had it right the first time.

un: whirlygig

[optionwhatever]

_❤️❤️

_{❤️^❤️}

^❤️❤️

❤️

[ Spinister is continuously mashing the little heart emojis to support this brand new influencer. Live your truth, disgusting goo alien! ]

[frenchkissed]

( fans?? his first stream and he already has fans??? )

WE LOVE YOU TOO, WHIRLYGIG!

text; @hulk

[chulk]

HOW MANY CAN YOU FIT IN YOUR MOUTH AT ONCE????

[frenchkissed]

YOU DARE CHALLENGE US?!

SEND ONE HUNDRED-THOUSAND BITS AND WE WILL ACCEPT.

video » @callidus

[forasecond]

[His face is a mix of unimpressed and disgusted, though that doesn't seem to phase him, exactly. Klaus is just as bad as any... alien... thing? Ever decided to be.]

Less curious about the food, more curious about you. What are you, what makes you different?

[Besides. You know. The obvious. But he wants specifics, details.]

[frenchkissed]

WE ARE DIFFERENT BECAUSE WE LOVE EVERYONE.
WE ARE LIKE JESUS THAT WAY.

Strong comparison there, big guy.
We don't like EVERYONE.
We didn't like those guys on the last season of Love Island.

YES. BECAUSE THEY WERE STUPID, EDDIE.
WE LOVE EVERYONE WHO IS NOT STUPID.
OR EVIL.
OR RICH.

text; @SpectralSword

[fastandcurious]

Whoa.

[ Those are some gnarly organic teeth. Drift doesn't share the bias against organics like some people but dang. That's a lot. ]

Guess it does take all types here.

[frenchkissed]

...

AND YOU DO NOT PREFER OUR TYPE?

video; un:yeet.the.force (that's his peter parker un)

[tinglesense]

[ okay first of all WHAT THE FUCK

second of all: ]

I'm sorry, I know you're doing the mukbang thing, but I just gotta ask two questions, um... first, what exactly are you?

Second: you referred to yourself as we. Why?

[ He hasn't read the other comments yet (he's going to because he's nosy), but he remembers Eddie Brock does that so he's about to put that together and then HE'S GOING TO HAVE 30000 MORE QUESTIONS ACTUALLY ]

[frenchkissed]

WE WELCOME QUESTIONS.
COMMUNICATION PREVENTS MISUNDERSTANDINGS.
THE WORLD WOULD BE A BETTER PLACE IF EVERYONE LEARNED TO ACCEPT THOSE THEY MAY NOT UNDERSTAND.

HELLO.
WE... ARE VENOM.

( he's smiling!! how cute!!! )

WE ARE A UNIT.
WE MOVE AS ONE.

video; un: Ντιάνα

[monomachy]

[sweet hera
but he... wants to befriend others... so]

There are a lot of things I don't understand about the little box. Um, is... your food good?

[frenchkissed]

IT IS... DELICIOUS.
HAVE YOU NEVER ENJOYED OREOS IN ICE CREAM?

( the little box is like magic, but not really. )

YOU CAN SEE US?
WE CAN SEE YOU.

Video

[slidesrightoff]

[Eddie is delighted by absolutely all of this. He is more than happy to oblige with the question asking.]

Would you rather fight 1 horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?

Can you cry underwater?

When you go to a movie theater and the seats have armrests, which one is yours and which your neighbors?

Where and how would you hide an elephant if someone gave one to you but you could not let anyone know you had it?

[frenchkissed]

( finally!! someone who isn't afraid to ask the real questions!!! )

ONE-HUNDRED SMALL HORSES... ARE NO MEAL.
THEY ARE SNACKS AT BEST!
WE WILL TAKE THE LARGE DUCK!

WE DO NOT CRY.
THAT IS WHAT EDDIE IS FOR.
HIS BODY PRODUCES TEARS AT MY COMMAND.
IT IS A FUN PARTY TRICK.

OUR TURN!!!

WERE YOU TO LOSE EVERY ONE OF YOUR TEETH OR EVERY ONE OF YOUR HAIR FOLLICLES, WHICH WOULD YOU PREFER??

TELL US, HUMAN: WHAT DO YOU FEAR?

WOULD YOU PREFER TO BE ENVELOPED IN COMPLETE, UTTER DARKNESS, OR A BLINDINGLY BRIGHT WORLD WHERE NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM?