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[exasperation]

Display Name: Ripley Arkwright
Profile Photo: here
Notes:

[ the video starts up with ripley at his desk. he clears his throat, trying to seem composed and business-like. he's probably half-way succeeding. ]

Soo. That blackout. That was rough. Right? Right? . . . Right.

Anyway, uh! Stuff happened and — stuff got lost. Or stolen. Stuff and stuff. Oh my god, what am I doing.

[ he clears his throat. ]

My point is. I'm sort of freelancing my . . . powers? They work in teleportation. So I can teleport objects to anywhere in the world, but also if you lost something, I can locate it for you. Anywhere. And that applies to people too.

And, uh, I can also check where to find the best food. Like Yelp, but in my head. Don't ask.

Soo. Anyone . . . interested? Probably?

Comments

Text | UN: Sleeper

[definecat]

When you say objects, what does that actually mean?

[exasperation]

Uh, like . . . physical things?

[definecat]

Living or only inanimate?

[exasperation]

Both! Both.

[definecat]

And if I wanted to know the location of the finest catnip in the world? Does your ability extend to herbs like that?

[exasperation]

Oh yeah, absolutely. Easy.

[definecat]

And what would it cost me to find out these things? And possibly have a supply delivered.

[exasperation]

Well, it depends on how often you want your deliveries plus a finding fee for the catnip.

Maybe like ten bucks for finding and another ten every month? Plus whatever the catnip may cost. Sound fair?

[ it'd feel weird to charge a cat a high price and he wasn't kidding that it was easy. ]

[portolan]

Proud of you Ripley.

Question: can you use your power to find yourself a boyfriend?

text; un: steph.b

[eggplanting]

how do you decide what the best food is? is it your personal preference? is it actually like yelp and you've got a sort of aggregated review system in your head?

[These are important questions.]

[exasperation]

Thanks, I think.

Also, no, I will not function as Grindr. Just. No.

[exasperation]

Sort of, yeah. Of course, best is subjective, but the more criteria you add to it, the better results I get.

Like "best tasting" + "cheap". Or "best spicy" + "value meals" and so on.

[portolan]

I say boyfriend not hook up.

Baby steps I suppose. Using your abilities is something.

[exasperation]

If I could get boyfriends just from my power, I would have done it. A lot. It doesn't work that way.

And thanks? It wasn't my idea, but someone said it was useful so . . . I thought it couldn't hurt.

Text | Anonymous

[robintohood]

What are your limitations?

[portolan]

So you do have some interest in companionship.

Was it Eddie and Venom? I'm glad you listen.

You should ask Eddie out.

[exasperation]

For which part? Teleporting orrr the finding stuff?

[exasperation]

I mean, everyone does, right? Deep down. I just — I couldn't. And now I'm just kind of. Not great at it.

Also that's crazy. You're crazy. He's nice and it's nice and I don't want — Look, we just get along, okay?

[robintohood]

Both

[portolan]

I've never met anyone as averse to their own happiness as you are.

Yes, it could make things awkward, though to be perfectly honest, living with Venom tells me Eddie's tolerance for that sort of thing is impeccably high.

If you never ask anyone, you can't be rejected, but you can't ever find companionship either. Are you really alright being alone indefinitely? You seem to not want that.

[exasperation]

Well, there's no limit on distance as far as I know. I can only transport things one at a time, but it can go pretty fast. Like in the blink of an eye.

Finding stuff is trickier. I can find anything, but the more criteria you have, the easier it is to narrow it down. Otherwise, I can't do much.

[exasperation]

Yeah, well. I was happy once and it nearly made me a monster. So I usually give it a big pass.

[ he had been so close too. so close to giving up his principles, just to be with ford. to be together forever. ]

And I don't know. Yeah, I don't want that but I don't know if I can want it.

[robintohood]

Is there stuff you can't teleport at all? Size and weight limits? And you mentioned people?

[exasperation]

I don't think I've ever run into a size issue. And yeah, I've teleported people. No issues.

[robintohood]

What's your rate and do you belong to a guild?