RUE MOORE HAS IT: JULY EDITION

[ruemoore]

Hel-lo Metacuties- Rue here. Bet'cha missed me~.

I’m not going to get into the nitty gritty of my absence, but rest assured, I’ve brought more than enough gossip about your favorite heroes and villains.

[Rue winks.]

Let’s just jump right into it.

Arrowsfan reached out with a quiver of hot tips about our favorite thundering Viking. It turns out he might not be as tough as he lets on.

Thor was seen crying behind a jaeger because he fractured his toe but didn't want to seem weak. Maybe because he’s claustrophobic? Allegedly, he was too scared to get in the jaeger because of it. Later on in the battle, Thor was seen telling a kaiju it was beautiful both inside and out. When it did not accede to his flirtations he decided to kill it to save his ego! Sounds like someone doesn't deal well with rejection!

Good news for all you lonely hearts out there! I've heard that Tony Stark is in love with one of the models who posed for his line of dildos - but they are already married! His heart is broken, and he is open to flings in the hope of mending it!

Sources also report that Robin is the most eligible bachelor in all of Central City. If you catch him atop a rooftop after dark, rumor is you will be rewarded with a kiss...oh, speaking of, has anybody seen that freaky clown ARG going on?

And VENOM!!!!!! [Rue somehow reads this with all of the exclamation points!] is here to let us know that a certain Eddie Brock is, and I quote, “EDDIE BROCK IS A HANDSOME AND ELIGIBLE BACHELOR WHO IS WELL DESERVING OF A MATE”!

In fashion news, up-and-coming wunderkind David Alleyne was seen taking off a pair of shades, only to reveal another pair underneath! Can you say new fashion trend?

The Supreme Loki has come in hot with a report that there is a fourth Loki running amok! This one is a badass teen and claims to be funnier, smarter, and prettier than all other Lokis combined! How exciting for us!

Anonymous has also reported that the reason Prodigy wears a helmet is because they're not actually a meta in the way they say. They're actually an ancient Dullahan seeking its long missing steed. And this one wears a ton of yellow so no one will realize it's a Dullahan and use its weakness of gold to drive it away!

Another anonymous superfan of our new favorite idol says that Gungnir is secretly trying to eat at as many restaurants as possible, and you may be able to catch her out of costume at one if you can manage to recognize her. Hint: She apparently eats a lot. Like, A LOT.

Finally, multiple citizens from Central City have reported something strange. There's something mysterious happening in the karaoke bars across Central City, possibly caused by an uncontrolled meta. Karaoke goers find themselves dancing against their will, sometimes laughing against their will as well. One night nobody in the bar was able to speak for thirty minutes! There's also the time everyone felt dizzy, but that could've been the beer talking.

Comments

[TWITTER] | UN: KrakoanTechNerd

[helpdesk_hero]

Okay, yeah, saw the latest Rue Moore and I've gotta wonder about it. The lenses of my shares are literally transparent yellow. The frames aren't THAT big.

How the HELL am I supposed to wear another pair of shades under these without it being SUPER obvious?

pm

[portolan]

I know this is an empty threat considering your access to technology, but I am threatening to take your devices away anyway.

[helpdesk_hero]

What did I do? I'm the one with not one but TWO weird rumors going on about them.

[portolan]

Yes and you're rising to the bait like a school yard boy.

[ He has finally gotten fast enough at texting to send that before he meant to. Oh well. He's being honest. ]

[helpdesk_hero]

On which one?

Not even kidding, Balthier, I NEVER get this sorta attention back home. Or here. This is fucking weird. Who even started these rumors?

[portolan]

I'm simply saying if you want less attention, responding publicly rarely does that. Especially if you don't know where it's coming from.

[helpdesk_hero]

Annnnnnnd I should probably take the word of the aristocrat who knows this well. Especially since I should know better as a child of the tech-era.

FUCK. You're not supposed to feed the trolls. UGH!

[portolan]

Somewhere between a very public childhood and being an infamous pirate, yes, I had the urge to respond quelled for me.

It's not easy.

[helpdesk_hero]

I had PR consultants back in the last world. I'll... I'll resist.

@porkpuns

[somepig]

Ghost sunglasses!

[helpdesk_hero]

I'm a techhead, not some sorta ghostbuster or whatever. No ghost glasses. Because if I could find a way to make ghostly, or invisible, shades, I'd be rich.

un: SquirrelPower

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

maybe you manifest them through sheer willpower!

[helpdesk_hero]

That would save so much money

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

right???

we've cracked it, we've found the best superpower!

maybe it only activates after you say a cool one-liner

[helpdesk_hero]

Very CSI: Miami

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

YEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

[helpdesk_hero]

Nice power. I don't have anything like that.

[eatsnutsandkicksbutts]

ok, but are you ABSOLUTELY sure? Cracked any cool one-liners lately?

pm

[doctopoda]

I can't believe you're out here taking credit for my look.
We all know I started that trend.

[He did not, but this is funny! When it isn't happening to him!]

[helpdesk_hero]

You do double sunglasses? You can have the look, man.

[doctopoda]

Sunglasses and goggles, when I'm working. Close enough.

[David's probably seen him do it. He could likely get Adaptech to spring for prescription tinted goggles of some kind, but frankly he's already had to ask for several other accommodations and it makes him feel like sort of a burden.]

[helpdesk_hero]

Definitely agreed as close enough. Can even guess why you'd need them.

You got a good set here?

[doctopoda]

I'm sure you can.

[Ocular damage is one of the most predictable outcomes, after an accident like his. Otto tries not to make too many assumptions about his various doubles, but David's mentioned that his world's version used to work in energy, too. It's not a far stretch to imagine there was a similar...incident.]

Yes, I went to an optometrist recently.

[Which is an unreasonable amount of time to put off seeing a doctor, for how long he's been here, but. Look.]

I have special therapeutic glasses now. I look like a retiree from Florida, but they have helped.

[it's not that bad, they're actually kinda cool if you like cherry red lenses!]

[helpdesk_hero]

Glad to hear it. Would suck to have someone not have the gear they need at work. Especially since we're supposed to help people function in their daily lives to their levels of comfort.

[doctopoda]

I suppose I'm still finding what works best.
This didn't happen very long before I ended up here.

[That, and he's been slow to make accommodations for himself. It still feels a little bit like a coddling he doesn't deserve...but that would be a very poor example to set in this particular field, wouldn't it?]

Do you know, I've had people ask me about developing "tentacle prosthetics"?