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[somepig]

display name: Spider-Ham
profile pic: here
notes: n/a

[What appears onscreen is a pig in a Spider-Man suit. He doesn't look quite real, though. Aside from the fact that he walks on two limbs? He also looks over-saturated and cel-shaded. Like a cartoon character come to life.]

Howdy fellow Confluencers! That's the right word for it right? I'm Spider-Ham! I'm sure most of you want to get home by now, and lucky for you I got this handy dimensional travel watch. Watch and be amazed as I teleport from here to back to mine then back to here in the blink of an eye.

[He doesn't teleport]

...in the blink of an eye.

[He still doesn't teleport]

Hang on for second folks, technical difficulties. Lemme just flip this open and- wait, where's the Bee-Yonder? Okay, there's a note here...On vacation, bee back later.

ON VACATION, BEE BACK LATER? You've gotta be kidding me! What is this hogwash?

Comments

[nepotis]

Right. Ham. Because that's somehow less weird?

[somepig]

Buddy, if you think I'm weird? You definitely aren't ready to hear what some of your doppelgangers get up to.

[nepotis]

Don't tell me there's a pig version of me out there...

[somepig]

With the multiverse be infinite there'd pretty much have to be, but I was more referring to the fact that an unusual amount of yous and their dads have this habit of dressing up as goblins and throwing pumpkin-shaped grenades at people.

[nepotis]

What the hell, me too?

[ He's heard of alternate versions of his dad who call themselves Green Goblin, but he himself hasn't reached that point in his own life. As far as he knows, his universe is the exception, not the rule. ]

Don't tell me... Your version of Norman Osborn is a turkey who calls himself the Green Gobbler?

[somepig]

Wow, you're good at this.

FYI, if you wanna avoid all that hogwash? Don't drink or inject untested mutagens.

[nepotis]

[ What the fuck, he wasn't being serious! ]

Don't tell me what I can or can't inject myself with. What do you fucking know?

[somepig]

Well, seeing as I'm a scientist who specializes in biochemistry? I believe the answer is a lot of things.

[nepotis]

[ How dare he have a legitimate answer! ]

Whatever. You're not my doctor.