X-posted to Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, OurPowers | Video | UN: Sleeper/@DeFineCat | Open

[definecat]

[Video starts with a placard that reads "Important Announcement (From Your Feline Overlords)" that is then pulled away to reveal Sleeper, looking very prim and dignified, even wearing a pair of glasses and a collar and tie for the occasion.]

While most cats can't talk, I am here on their behalf with an important announcement. Tomorrow, AUgust 8th, is International Cat Day. That means that if you have a cat in your life, you should be celebrating it.

And if you don't have a cat in your life, well, why not? There are plenty in need of good homes with lots of love. Mostly because of a surfeit of feral cats because people don't exert population control on their pets. But that means that there are plenty of cute kittens and laid-back seniors and everything in between, all ready to ignore you unless it suits them, or it's dinnertime.

And speaking of dinner, unless that cat is yours truly, never feed them chocolate. Best diets for cats are raw meat diets because they, unlike humans, are obligate carnivores. That means the domestic cat cannot live without meat in their life because that's the only way they can get certain essential vitamins, minerals, and amino acids.

On the other hand, things like catnip and other smelly treats are wonderful, and can't actually be overindulged in. The worst your cat can get from getting too deep into the 'nip is a good nap from wearing themselves out.

So go, get your cat a new toy, a treat, some extra pampering, and celebrate that they have chosen you to be a part of their lives.

[A pause, as they let the message sink in.]

And now I return you to your regularly scheduled diet of cat memes.

Comments

OurPowers @Sephiroth

[unkindled_madness]

Is outdoor time rewarding for a cat? I understand it can be a safety concern, but it seems unfair to keep them locked in.

[definecat]

Always monitor your cat outdoors, invest in escape-proof fencing or a catio, or even leash-train your cat. While the outdoors are rewarding and stimulating, the damage cats do in hunting small prey, especially songbirds, is quite detrimental to the environment.

[unkindled_madness]

What is a catio?

[definecat]

A catio is like a patio, but built so that the cat can go out and enjoy it, but is not able to freely interact with anything outside the catio.

Also, before taking any pet outdoors, please make sure they are up to date on all vaccines for their safety. Some diseases like Feline Leukemia can spread very easily if unchecked.

[unkindled_madness]

Ah. I may need to look into that. Perhaps we will remain indoors for now.

[definecat]

There are plenty of ways to give the cats in your life the benefits of the outdoors without the shorter life-expectancy outdoor cats sadly experience. Even just window seats to watch from can be a wonderful thing.

[unkindled_madness]

He does seem to have some trouble fitting on the sill.

[definecat]

You can also bring the outside in by getting things like a fish-tank to watch, although be aware that cats tend to like to drink from them even if they never go after the fish.

[unkindled_madness]

Is that not stressful for the fish?

[definecat]

They seem to deal with it. I've never actually had the opportunity to ask one. A fish, I mean. I know what squirrels think of cats...

[unkindled_madness]

I'm not certain what a squirrel is. You can speak to them?

[definecat]

[Sleeper can't help blinking at that.]

I take it you're not from Earth, then. Squirrels are small, furry, tree-dwelling rodents with bushy tails that generally live off nuts and berries and whatever they can bribe humans to share.

[unkindled_madness]

No, I am not.

I admit, I thought those were tree-dwelling mu.

[definecat]

And now you've got me. I have no idea what a mu is.

[unkindled_madness]

They're small, burrowing rodents with bushy tails.

[definecat]

Well, technically there are ground squirrels, but most don't have bushy tails.

[unkindled_madness]

I think perhaps they're all slightly different.

[definecat]

Probably. But convergent evolution means life on similar planets takes similar forms.

[unkindled_madness]

It is fascinating that way. How entirely separate realities still come up with the same species.

[definecat]

Life certainly likes to use the same tools for the same problem. Assuming they're available.

[unkindled_madness]

And you... identify with cats, I suppose.

[definecat]

I find that being a cat has a lot of advantages. I could be something else if I so chose, but cats are superior creatures.

[unkindled_madness]

I won't argue the point.

VIDEO (Part of Sleeper's video)

[codicies]

[ Dylan passes through the background of the video, carrying some chocolate. ]

I for one welcome our new feline overlords.

[definecat]

Your tribute is accepted.

[Sleeper is more than happy to get all the chocolate.

Ourpowers | @captainmarvel

[chewiedout]

[A photo is attached with Chewie is flopped over her shoulder.]

Chewie would like confirmation if interdimensional aliens count for cat day.

[definecat]

[Sleeper gives a grin to the camera in their reply that shows all four eyes and far too many teeth for any normal Earth feline.]

If we identify as cats, we count. Who's going to argue with someone with murder-mittens?

[chewiedout]

You're very adorable. Chewie should we show him what you can do, girl? [She picks up a donut off the table she's at and tosses it into the air, and several tentacles escape her mouth as she catches it right out of the air.]

I wonder if Sleeper would know what a flerken is...

[definecat]

A very talented girl. Tentacles are one of the most convenient appendages, I find.

[The teeth are only temporary, because fangs are somewhat hard to enunciate around. But Sleeper totally isn't above dramatic shapeshifting.]

Our parent seems to prefer a dog shape for some reason. But there's no accounting for taste.

[chewiedout]

[She's impressed by the dramatic shape shifting.] Chewie isn't the biggest fan of dogs, she tried to eat a poodle in the park one time when we were out...

To be fair a lot of different things have tried to kidnap her over the years so I don't blame her.

[definecat]

Hairball problem? [Sleeper can't help but make the joke. Poodles aren't bad dogs, per se, but seriously...]

I understand. Hopefully enough survived the experience to discourage repeats. On the other hand, being cat-shaped means most people take you for something innocuous and don't make demands. Many even offer tribute.

OurPowers | UN: Mark Bryant

[atypical_echo]

Gotta say, Sleeper, the tie and glasses are AMAZING. We should use them again for a calendar shoot!

Re: OurPowers | UN: Mark Bryant

[definecat]

Occasionally one must look distinguished. And for education...well, you know exactly what I mean, right?

[atypical_echo]

I really do get it. You've got gravitas there.

[definecat]

We really should figure out the calendar thing. A Sleeper for every season...

[atypical_echo]

Exactly! What's summer sleeper like?

voice | @gojo the greatest

[powercrept]

[Rather than offering anything of value, this is what Gojo has to say:]

Nyaaaaaaaaaa!!!

[It's very loud, too.]

[definecat]

What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?

[powercrept]

Nya?

[The question mark—that little uptick in tone—is apparent.]

[definecat]

Can you say anything besides 'Nya?'

[powercrept]

Maaaaaaybe? Is that what you'd like?

[Fine, he'll drop the gimmick!]

OurPowers @Rhapsody

[whistlestoptea]

How nice of you to advocate on behalf of the less vocal members of your species.

[ Raine is being sincere. It is nice! Also, they're curious about this talking cat creature. ]

[definecat]

Someone has to point out important things, like there's no such thing as a vegan cat.

[whistlestoptea]

I guess it is. Is people trying to make their cats vegan a widespread phenomenon?

[definecat]

Some people who go vegan try to inflict it on their pets. It's fine for dogs, but cats can't process taurine from plants so a pure animal-free diet would be a slow an painful death for the animal in question. Which, if you ask me, isn't how to show you love your pet.

Some philosophical objections are fine, but you shouldn't cause damage by inflicting your views on those who have no say in the matter.

[whistlestoptea]

I agree. That's no way to care for a pet. You have to recognize their needs.

[definecat]

Humans are weird.

[whistlestoptea]

Ah, yes. They certainly are.

[ Maybe not quite dropping that they're not human themself, yet. ]