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Display Name: webhead
Profile Photo: SPIDER-MAN FACE
Notes: spoilers for the Ultimate Spider-Man run; mention of character death

[The video feed comes on, and it's the smallest Spider-Man pacing a rooftop. He's masked up, so no one can see his face, but it's probably pretty clear from his body language that he's distraught. And when he finally speaks, that definitely comes through in his voice.]

So-- So I'm gonna out and say it. Okay? I'm-- Apparently, I'm the last one, and- and-

[He stops. Sighs. Shakes his head and starts over. No more pacing, he just plops down in front of the camera like a child.]

Y'know, when I got here, there were like. Five Spider-Men. And I thought, oh hey, wow, look at all these way cooler versions of me that exist across the multiverse. Neat. Maybe I can learn from them. Or maybe I can take a break, do some normal teenager stuff. That'd be nice.

They're all-- They're all gone now.

[He pauses, glancing off to the side with a soft huff.]

..I thought I was okay with that. It- It's been a little while now, and I thought I was okay. But y'know what? This sucks. 'Cause to me-- See, there's one major difference between me and the other Spider-Men that were here, besides being the youngest, and that-- It- It's that I died.

[He throws his hands up in an exasperated "Whaddaya gonna do" motion, sighing yet again.] So- Y'know. That's why I'm stuck here. Sorry that you're all stuck with the inferior dead one. Just thought the people- [He makes a wide gesture out toward the camera and at the city around him.] -might wanna know that I?? I am the sucky one.

Sorry. Good luck, us.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

In my experience, donuts are rarely a bad idea. Unless you're gluten intolerant or something, which I sincerely hope isn't the case here.

[ God, now that she gets a good look at him, he does seem younger! It's a little weird to meet a Spidey who isn't like an entire head taller than her. ]

Ok, c'mere. Hugs before donuts, bring it in.

[ She goes in for that hug! True to her word, Doreen is damn good at hugging. It's a little tentative at first, until she seems to remember 'right, Spider-Man', and then goes for the real bearhug. ]

... I'm sorry everything sucks so much right now, dude.

I'm happy to report that I'm definitely not gluten intolerant. So bring on all the donuts.

[He's definitely tiny in comparison to all the other Spider-Men. For someone his age, he's on the shorter side of average. Fortunately he's long since accepted his fate as one of the shorter guys in his class, so when Squirrel Girl comes in for that hug she can probably lift him right off his feet pretty easily if she wanted to. Being a Spider-Man does mean that despite his scrawny looks, he's essentially all muscle. He handles the bearhug well, even if he purposefully lets out an overly dramatic wheeze.

And he does hug back. Especially when he hears that little sentiment, and he huffs out a small, sad kind of laugh.]

Thanks. It does suck. A lot. [He even brings his own little squeeze to that hug, as if that'll further emphasize his point.]

[ He's still got a couple of inches on her despite the age difference, that has to count for something! That tiny, sad laugh breaks her heart a little bit, and Spidey gets another good squeeze before she pulls back, still gripping his shoulders. ]

It absolutely does. But you don't, okay? Even if it doesn't feel like it right now. All it means is that your universe has some serious jerks in it.

[ Seriously, who kills Spider-Man?! Especially when he's a kid! ]

[In his corner of the multiverse... the list of people who want to kill Spider-Man (no matter how old he is) is so very, very long. The best part is that a lot of those people know exactly who is and how to find him. It's a great universe. Really.]

Hooboy, you don't even know the half of it.

[He can't help but feel a little awkward, though. Usually when he spirals like this he has someone he knows and trusts to go to for the pep talk and comfort hugs. Finding that with someone he doesn't really know all that well throws him a little. It's still... pretty nice, though. He's still grateful for it.]

That's really nice of you to say, though. I mean- It's not nice for them, but it does make me feel a little better.

[ Is it though?? Kinda sounds like it might not be great!

Admittedly, it feels a little weird to be consoling a Spider-Man who's several years younger than her, but... right now, dude really needs a hug, and her world's Spidey definitely would have done the same for her, if their situations were reversed. ]

Glad to hear it. And hey, none of those jerks have half-price donuts, so that's a solid dunk on them.

[ She twitches her tail out to one side, brandishing the bag of donuts with a flourish and a grin. ]

[Oh, but it's greeeaaaaaaatttt. So very great. Super great!

The way SG shows off the donuts does cheer him up, just a little. Enough for him to let out an actual laugh, even if it's just a little one.]

Too true. I, for one, am excited for half-price donuts. [He makes grabby hands at the bag before actually going for it, minding her tail as he attempts to retrieve the bag.] All the classics, I presume? Sugar glazed, chocolate icing, sprinkles?

[ It sure doesn't sound like it, bud!

SG counts that laugh as a victory, and does an inner 'YESSS' and a fistpump. The donuts are carefully handed (tailed?) over with a grin, and after a moment she just takes a seat right there, curling her tail around her knees. ]

I would be offended and shocked if they didn't at least have sprinkles. But nah, seriously, this is a mixed bag of whatever they had left before they closed up for the day, there's usually a good mix of classics.

[ She will be investigating the box of donuts inside that bag, thank you! ]

... Ooh! Score, apple fritter!

[He sits down as well, properly on his butt and everything! But only because he is also investigating the bag for hidden treasures.]

Weeelll, if they're whatever was left at closing, I wouldn't be shocked if they sold out of sprinkles. Sprinkles are dee-lish.

[Yes, he did say "dee-lish" out loud with his mouth. Don't laugh at him.]

Aha! Not sprinkles, but I'm calling baked cinammon a win.

[ Listen, he's talking to someone who unironically says 'gosh', they are working on similar dorky wavelengths! ]

That's why they make extras early in the day! Everyone knows the sprinkles are the best, apart from chocolate hazelnut or Canadian maple. [ That may just be her nutty tastes talking, but whatever! ]

Baked cinnamon is a close runner-up though! Excellent choice, truly you are a donut connoisseur of fine taste and culture.

Edited (wrong word!) 2023-03-31 04:48 (UTC)

[He chuckles a little bit, holding his prize out in front of him like he has to admire it first.]

That's are incredibly on theme for you. Fortunately for all of us, I definitely don't want anyone to put flies and mosquitos on my donuts.

But thank you, thank you. Only the sweetest snackies will do it for me.

[The little smile on his face only becomes visible once he pulls up part of his mask, just enough for him to take a nice hearty bite out of his cinnamony treat. He even lets out a satisfied hum as he chews, clearly very pleased with this outcome.]

God. All hail the inventor of donuts.

[ Doreen grins and shrugs in an 'aw, shucks' kinda way; she can't help being on brand! It definitely seems like the donuts were a good idea, they've at least lightened the mood. ]

Here's to you, Irvington Q. Donut, inventor of donuts. You did good, buddy.

[ She holds her fritter up as if she's doing a toast with it, before adding: ]

... I'm assuming that's his name, my data plan sucks, and I can't get wifi up here so I can't check Wikipedia on my phone.

[He follows suit, raising up his donut (who cares if he already bit into his) like an offering to the gods or something. Only to bring it back in for another bite, chuckling at SG's addendum.]

Dude, hear hear. You'd think these special phones they gave us when we got here could at least have decent service. Patrols can only entertain us for so long, y'know.

Gosh, right? If one of the guilds isn't handling your phone plan, you're basically out of luck. I've been using the library wifi to download music and podcasts and stuff, I practically live there at this point. Which isn't a bad thing mind you, libraries rule, but I'm afraid they're gonna start charging me rent.

[ life is hard, but some days there are apple fritters, so things are basically okay. SG ruefully takes a bite out of hers and sighs! ]

At least libraries are big. You could probably find a corner where no one will find you, and then basically build yourself a little hideaway. I'll even help out, and maybe we can make you a nice little nest high up near the ceiling.

[This is clearly a great idea, because Spidey is nodding very sagely to himself as he continues to consume his donut.]

Ooh, like Phantom of the Opera, but without bein' a creep! I like it! For the record, I have tried the literal nest thing; blanket forts work much better. Less sticks and leaves to deal with.

[ This is said with a grimace; when most of your friends growing up are squirrels, you try some things! Those things don't always work! ]

Maybe they have an attic? I squatted in an attic once, I would totally do it again and become a library hermit!

[That makes Spidey bark out a muffled laugh around a mouthful of donut. A literal nest! That's just plain fantastic. Squirrel Girl is so on theme and he's completely into it.]

This time we can make sure your nest is made out of soft things. Blankets and pillows and-- oooh, quilts! Quilts.

I bet there's an attic. An old library in definitely not New York? There's gotta be an attic.

[ look, sometimes you're ten years old, you live way out in the middle of nowhere, and your squirrel BFF says 'hey, forget treehouses, I bet we can make something REALLY COOL' ]

Oh man, I hope so! Next time I'm doing a workshop there, I'll just be like "heyyy, I need an extra computer mouse, I'll just go up to the attic and have a look around, this is totally legit." Flawless plan!

[ One day Doreen will be better at not accidentally dropping details about her civilian life into superhero conversations, but today is not that day. ]

[Whoa. You had a BFF when you were ten years old?!]

Oh, whoa. You do workshops at the library?

[Do you need lessons for the secret identity thing, Doreen? Spidey can totally give you lessons.

Never mind all the five million people back home who absolutely figured out his secret identity without him even having to say anything to give it away.]

[ Whoops! Her tail fritzes up a bit, like a surprised cat. The first lesson of Secret Identities 101 would probably be 'wear a mask', and she's already flunked that class! ]

... Oh, yeah, sometimes! I do coding workshops for kids when I have free time. Between regular paying-the-bills work, and superhero-work, I mean. This is privileged, 'cool people only' information btw. [ She pronounces it 'bee-tee-doubleyou' ]

Duly noted. Cool people only. [He holds his free hand up in the air like he's making a scout's pledge.] I shan't tell a soul.

[He drops that in the next moment, though, smiling a little as he polishes off his first donut and moves to grab a second.]

That's super cool, though. I hope all the little munchkins appreciate you for it, taking time out of your busy schedule and all.

[ Aw yeah, secrecy! Spidey gets a thumbs-up before SG moves on to her second donut as well; this one is double chocolate, which gets a tiny 'yessssss!!' before she moves on. ]

Aw, I don't mind! I like kids and I like teaching, I just wish I had more time for it, y'know? Between the job and the, um, 'other job', the schedule's pretty tight. Man, back home I accidentally got cloned once and even that didn't help the time management stuff.

[His is just a simple sugar-raised donut, but hey, who's complaining? Definitely not Spidey!]

Ooof, I hear that. I've got clones- well, singular now - and let me tell you, they are entirely other people. [It's probably easy to tell that there's a whole Story to that, but Spidey's so flippant about it that clearly he's not about to get into it.]

So- Okay, full-time superhero, obviously. Part-time coding teacher for kids at the library. I'm guessing you're not a student anymore, huh? 'Cause man balancing that on top of the others has gotta suck.

[ oh BOY there is definitely a History with the clone stuff, but if Spidey isn't interested in bringing it up, then she is not gonna pry! SG starts ticking things off on her fingers with her donut-free hand: ]

Full-time freelancer for programming and webdesign stuff, full-time superhero, and part-time as in 'when I'm between contracts and I have a spare weekend' coding teacher at the library. Back home I went to school and didn't have a day job, but here, college took a backseat because I need to pay rent, and not being with one of the guilds makes applying for classes and tuition way harder. Back home, I could just about handle school because my friends helped me out a bunch and shared their notes with me when I missed class.

[He just munches thoughtfully on his donut as SG goes down that list, humming in acknowledgement of his fellow super's struggles. Spidey can't claim to be nearly that busy around here, but his suffering from home will stay with him forever.]

Wow. You've really got a lot going on. I'd heard that trying for college here was tough for metas, but man... It's really that bad, huh?

It's mostly the whole 'Being Unaligned' thing, to be honest. Not signing up with the guilds means it's harder to get an ID, which makes it harder to apply for student loans, which makes it harder to apply to college, etcetera etcetera.

[ She ticks the points off on her fingers as she goes, and finishes it off with a shrug. ]

... Also, paying rent. Rent is definitely a thing.

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