metaheroes | r/AmItheAsshole

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r/AmItheAsshole

Posted by: u/throw__away14

AITA for ghosting my best friend?

My (21M) best friend (28M) showed up in this world a month or so before I did, from several years in our future. When we first saw each other, he looked horrified to see me, but I had no idea why. The last time I had seen him back in our world, I had asked him to arrange a meeting between me and our world's superhero, because he (the superhero) had something only he could give me, that I needed to save my life. The superhero said no, and I was (understandably, I think) pretty furious.

Things were a little awkward between me and my friend here in the present. He never told me what happened in the years in between us, but I didn't press him about it, either. We were catching up on stuff when that kaiju attack happened, and we both got roped into piloting a giant robot together. Because of the mind-linking technology, I accidentally saw some of my friend's memories, at which point I learned that he actually was the superhero who had refused to help me back in our world.

Again, I think I was pretty justified for being angry that he had kept this secret from me, on top of being angry at him for denying me the help I needed to avoid a certain death sentence. I bailed on him then and there and have been ignoring his calls ever since.

He's still my closest friend, in this world or in ours, but it's going to take me a long time to get over feeling betrayed by his actions. AITA for wanting to keep my distance from him? Other people I've spoken to who know about the situation say I should try to reach back out to him, but I don't think I'm ready for that.

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NTA, but I can't make a judgment on your buddy til I know what you were asking him for.

Either way if you want to stay away from him, I wouldn't blame you. Even if he had a good reason for it.

I can't say much more without spilling his superhero identity. I may be pissed at him, but I'm not about to make him a target.

Well, if it was me in his position I'd assume they'd be asking for something mutagenic.

And I've seen that kind of thing go very wrong enough times to be comfortable handing it over.

You wouldn't be entirely wrong in that thinking.

Okay, yeah, then it's NAH.

No offense, I get that you're probably feeling pretty desperate. Something like this could save your life, but it could also make you wish it hadn't. Assuming you can even manage to string a thought together after the fact.

honestly, the denial isn't even the issue anymore. I've moved on from that.

[ He hasn't. ]

right now I'm more upset about the lies and secrecy.

INFO: Did you get the death sentence?

"death sentence" in this case is more metaphorical. it's a medical condition. I am still going to die, if I don't find something that can cure what I've got.

Sucks, man. There's some healers in this world. You should be trying to convince THEM, rather than trying to convince this superhero/ex-friend of yours to cough up whatever you think would help. And it's ex-friend. Friends don't let friends die. Insert the whole AITA red flag/marinara flag/therapy/run girl run routine.

I've tried some of this world's healers. it eases the symptoms, for a while, but they inevitably come back. I've had to take healing myself into my own hands.

What about seeing the healers regularly? I don't know how it works but like. A quarterly shot in the arm to keep it at bay?

doable. not exactly sustainable, when the healers could vanish at any point...
but doable.

Provided we are talking about an actual death sentence, NTA. None of the details matter here. Superheroes don't get to lightly make the call on who lives and dies. I know there are some who approach it with the idea that, in the heat of a fight, if killing one villain saves innocents - they will accept that loss and burden. But your situation doesn't sound like that. If you were asking a friend to arrange a meeting with a superhero, it's hardly a situation where he has to make quick decisions with lives on the line. He's not trusting in the justice system; he's actively tampering with your case by refusing to provide the relevant evidence. If you don't get put to death, he's still perverting the course of justice. If you do, and you were innocent, IMO he's a murderer.

I should've been less vague. it's not a literal death sentence in a court of law. more of a terminal diagnosis.

And this superhero has a cure for your condition that they won't share, or is it that they can heal others? The ability to heal isn't the obligation to do so - there are billions of people with medical conditions.

his DNA holds the key to a possible cure. the only key available, in our world.

I can't say any more without risking leaking his identity. as mad I as I am, I don't want to put him at risk.

The fact that you actually need a piece of his DNA for it does change things somewhat. It doesn't get more personal than that, and donors are allowed the right to refuse. I'm going to change it to NAH.

More context needed. Firstly: what does AITA stand for? Secondly: define "death sentence". Is this hyperbolic or part of the justice system in your world? Not that I trust most government mandated justice systems, merely a clarification.

AITA = am I the asshole

in this case, it's hyperbole. terminal illness.

Edited 2022-08-28 15:29 (UTC)

I see. And you believed this superhero held the cure to your illness.

Edited 2022-08-28 20:08 (UTC)

his DNA did. I know it did.

In this particular case, I think you are both the asshole. Yes, he should not have denied you a potential cure, and keeping his secret from you. But I have seen relationships fall apart completely due to poor communication. Instead of bailing on him, as you said, you should have told him you needed space and time to think things through.

he bailed on me first!
first, back in our world, when I asked him for his help.
and then again, when I showed up in this world, and he disappeared off the face of the earth rather than say two words to me.

I'm not saying he isn't an asshole. He certainly is. But you have a chance to be the better person now. Reach out to him. Mend bridges before they collapse entirely.

[ Harry's too angry to reply.

But he sits, and thinks on things. And he knows littlealbatross is right. This is one bridge he doesn't want to burn. So, he tries reaching out to Peter.

...Only to find that Peter— his Peter— has left this universe entirely.

He doesn't take the news well. He drinks, a lot. But after the drinking and the yelling and the hurting, he comes back to his fucking Reddit post. ]

it's too late.
he's gone.

I'm so sorry. Tell me how to help, now.

can you?
can anyone, at this point?

I am not him. I will never be him, I know this. You will never be who I am missing, either. But you have a friend in me, if you want one.

Possibly NTA but it also depends. What was it you needed from him to survive that he said no to?

Edited 2022-08-29 08:26 (UTC)

access to his DNA. a big ask, I see that now.

OKAY I typed this out and it got looong (sorry) but I've been on both sides of the "DNA can be abused" and "needed some DNA biz to survive a horrible gruesome death" coin. I'm just hoping my perspective can help.

One of the biggest problems here is bad people always want to abuse stuff like that. Reverse engineer powers to create supersoldiers, clone bioweapons with powers, that kind of thing. Even if you wouldn't do it, you might have had to rope in some doctor or scientist to help you that would try it behind your back.

I EXIST because someone did that. I'm a clone of one of the greatest heroes in my world, made from a stolen blood sample a government project found at the scene of a fight.

And they didn't clone me out of the goodness of their hearts, either. Multiple shady parties in and around the project that created me wanted me to be their pet meta, to use me as a weapon. It's a miracle I got out of the whole situation with free will and a life of my own. I'm free to help people instead of hurt them at the command of people treating me like a deathbot.

Plus his DNA could've just killed you faster. Or mutated you horribly. That can happen if stuff isn't compatible.

I'm not saying that he shouldn't have tried to find a way. But there are a lot good reasons to at least hesitate. And none of them necessarily means he doesn't care. Or that he wants to just let you die.

THAT SAID you're not obligated to completely let him off the hook, though. How you feel about not being helped, about being deceived, that's still real. The powerlessness that comes with your body just crapping the bed and killing you is awful enough to begin with, let alone when you feel like you've been left to hang. And there are a lot of ways to handle something like this, including some choices he could've made that might've been better. Even maybe in how he communicated things. (idk how it went down but there might have been room to do it better.)

tl;dr You can maybe have missed some things about his POV but still also have a right to feel hurt about a lot of it, too.

Edited 2022-09-03 02:44 (UTC)

this potentially sounds pretty complicated. were you asking him to get something for you? like from somewhere else? or was it something he already had?

he already had it. I needed a blood sample.

you wanted a blood sample from a superhero????

okay i know you said it's to cure you and save your life, but depending on how this guy became a superhero you might be better off without it. it totally makes sense that you'd be mad about it though, so i'm not saying you're in the wrong or anything for keeping your distance.

i'm also guessing that because of the whole... seeing each other's memories thing, he probably understands why you ghosted him.

Edited (THANK FINGIES, THANKS HTML) 2022-09-02 23:08 (UTC)

trust me, I've been told a million times by now that it was a horrible ask.

I'm sure he knows. I just don't know where to go from here.

yeah, i get that. how long has it been now?

two months.

whoa. that's a pretty long time now.

obviously i can't speak for your friend, but if it was me that kind of thing might make me feel like you don't want to stay friends and i'd be too anxious about that to be the first one to reach out. not that i think you should rush into talking to him again, but just letting you know that THAT might be why he hasn't tried to contact you first. assuming he hasn't, anyway.

NTA.

It's a perfectly reasonable response. And if that's how he felt about it, he should have at least had the decency to be forthcoming about the fact he was the one who refused.

Anything less is just cowardice. And, arguably, what makes it a betrayal in the first place.

THANK YOU.
everyone else is getting hung up on the subject of the ask, and ignoring that the part that actually hurts is the secret keeping.

An odd fixation to have, really.

In your position, I imagine I would have been upset at the refusal no matter what the reason. Possibly even enough to end the friendship entirely. But I would have remembered their honesty.

And in my experience, whether someone can be trusted is a great deal more valuable than anything else they could possibly offer. Whether you count them as a friend, a simple associate, or even an enemy.

info:

do u still want to be friends?

not now but like eventually?

[ Harry puts off replying to this one for a long time. Long enough that by the time he circles back around to it, he already knows that Peter— his Peter— is gone. ]

I don't know if I can.
not here, anyway.

if there's 1 thing i know about weird interdimensional mix-ups, it's that they are very tricky 2 predict.

[ Knowing what he does from Peter, there's only one person this could be. He could call him directly, being late to this post, but it's more appropriate to respond to it. ]

He's gone, Harry.

[ At this point, Harry has already tried to be the bigger person and reach out to Peter, to try to... He doesn't know. Bury the hatchet? Get answers? Either way, his calls and texts go nowhere, so there's really only one explanation as to why that is.

He isn't expecting Loki to reach out to him. A part of him doesn't want to answer, but the other, larger part that still is clinging onto the desire for his old friendship back decides to talk to Loki anyway. ]

I know. There are... other Peters still here, but. I know.

You didn't talk to him before he left, did you?

No. I haven't talked to him in months. Not since the kaiju.

[ Not since he had the unintentional peek into Peter's memories and saw him as Spider-Man. ]

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